Journaling song lyrics and other things

When I got out of the hospital I got a journal. A pretty lime green spiral journal. I wrote in it every day for quite a while. Sometimes I wrote about my feelings or what I did that day. Other times I wrote song lyrics. Not my own lyrics... Just whatever song that was in my head at that time. Depending on the mood I'm in, or what I'm feeling, I have a song playing in my head. The lyrics of the song describes my feelings perfectly. It's crazy, like I'm in my own music video. Sometimes the song is sad, and reveals feelings to myself I didn't even know I was feeling. I have a playlist on my iPad of purchased songs that I've had in my head. Even after those feelings are long gone, I can go back to a certain song and it will bring back those exact emotions. It's not exactly a good thing. I can go back years in my head and still get those feelings back. I'm sure this isn't a new thing. I'm sure everyone can do this... Can they?

Music is so powerful for me. I sang in my room at night in the hospital when I was alone. One day a woman came in with a guitar and we sang songs while she played. It was kind of childish at the time, or so I thought. But months later, because of that day, I bought a guitar. Oh don't get me wrong, I can't play a tune on the damn thing, even though my brother has tried to help me learn. But sometimes I get it out and tune it and strum it mindlessly. Is interesting what little things like can make a day brighter.

Lately I've had some really good days. The kids are in school and it's quiet here. I can relax and do things for myself that was hard to do during their summer vacation. I can take a long bath if I want to. I can pick up around the house without the kids going behind me and cluttering it up again. But hey, let's face it, I'm not much of a house cleaner! I do make sure certain things are done daily, like the dishes. I do laundry on weekends and will sweep the floor or whatever needs to be done. I know I've had good days. I'm lucky to have them too. My husband works hard so I can have these good days. I'm able to stay home and not have to worry about the stress and pressures of a day job. Because my life is stressful all by itself. Bipolar can be a daily struggle. I fel like I've been riding this awesome wave of "good" for weeks. I feel good, things are good. I'm good. The word good starts to look like a weird gooey mess after I write it too many times. But it's true. I'm good. I'm sure the wave will die down at some point. I mean, the days are getting shorter and its been raining off and on. But I'm still good.

I'm goooooooood. Good. LOL